Ranting In A Diary
by Harry-Potter-Holic1233
Summary: *Oneshot - May become a multi-chap fic!* "Dear Diary, Is this how you do this? I don't really see the point in writing "Dear Diary", given that technically this is not a letter, and a diary is not a person. But it is a formality, so I guess I'll use it." My take on who Lily Evans is, and why she is like that.


**Ranting in a Diary - by _Harry-Potter-Holic1233_**

DISCLAIMER: I no own, you no sue! :P

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_Dear Diary,_

_Is this how you do this?_

_I don't really see the point in writing "Dear Diary", given that technically this is not a letter, and a diary is not a person. But it is a formality, so I guess I'll use it._

_Well, given that I'm writing in this, I may as well introduce myself (as pointless as it seems). My name is Lily Evans, I am British, I live in Enfield, and I am a witch. It's as simple as that. Only it's not... _

_My mum says that it'll be good to "write my thoughts out", and "express myself, rather than letting my inner turmoil destroy me". Personally, I don't think that writing all my problems down into a small book that could be picked up by anyone is a particularly good idea. So why does everyone do it? Is it so they have someone to "talk" to? A way to jot down memories to look back on later in life? Or maybe it is just a way to pass the time..._

_But, I have this book, and I have nothing better to do, so I may as well list my multitude of problems._

_#1: My sister:_

_Ever since I met __Sev __Snape, Tuney has hated me. I can't stand to be in the same room as her, and I think she probably feels the same way... I mean, there's only so many times I can stand being called a "freak" by my own sister. I hear she's going to get married soon, but I only found that out from my mother._

_#2: Broken friendships:_

_Mudblood. That word that's torn my whole life apart. I'm not accepted anywhere. My sister calls me a freak for being magic, and people at school call me a mudblood for not being properly magical. It's highly depressing, being stuck between two completely separate worlds. Yet for the past seven years, I've had __Sev__ Snape to comfort me, to bridge that gap. But not anymore. It's been six months since that fateful day of the Defence Against The Dark Arts OWL exam, yet I still can't get over it. No matter what happens now, I know that I can't trust anyone. All that will happen is that I will be let down once again. Too many times has this happened. No more._

_#3. My reputation:_

_To everyone else apart from me, I am Miss Evans; teacher's pet, strict on rules, top grades, likeable, friendly, helpful, and generally just perfect. They expect so much of me. Too much. Don't they understand that I can't help them with homework, because I haven't even started my own? Don't they understand that the smile on my face is just a façade, a mask that now permanently exists to hide my real feelings? Don't they understand that I am sick and tired of having to uphold school rules, and that I really just want to not have to worry about everything and be the one person who actually tries to maintain a sense of order? Don't they understand that to get perfect grades, I have to work so hard that I sometimes don't even have time for sleep? Don't they understand that the more they look up to me, the worse I feel...?_

_People look at me, but they never truly see me. I'm just a girl. How am I supposed to be able to live up to everyone's expectations, when I can hardly live up to my own?_

_#4. James Potter_

That small leather book was suddenly wrenched from my hands. Frantically scrambling up from my favourite armchair in the common room, I crashed straight into the muscled chest of the devil himself, who happened to be holding my book out of arm's reach.

"What's this you got here, Evans?"  
Damn...

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******A/N: That's all folks! I'm thinking of turning this little oneshot into a nice long Jily chapter fic. :) Although it depends on the response I get to this. So if you want some good Jily fluffy goodness, just send in a little review! ;) Constructive criticism is more than welcome, although I would prefer it if I didn't get any flames! :P**

***Harry-Potter-Holic1233**


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